I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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