is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
