Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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