Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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