The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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