my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
