I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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