My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
