I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
