so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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