people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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