I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
