xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
