I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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