True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
