I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
