How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
