before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
