Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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