apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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