Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
