i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
