I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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