go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
