Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
