she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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