Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
