oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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