My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just tell him i said nine months
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
