I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
bring money and cleavage
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
