Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
