I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
