I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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