Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
