Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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