I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
