I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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