So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
