"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
