I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
