im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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