Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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