We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The Olympian is in my bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
