Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
