smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
