and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
