it hurts more in the daytime
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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