last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
