cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
