My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
