God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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