a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
