It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
