After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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